I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
