Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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