Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
