I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
