He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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