Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
