i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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