he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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