Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
