There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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