I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
