I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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