I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
