my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
