Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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