Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
