I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
