You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
