i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
