Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
