Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
