Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
