dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
