life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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