Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
