Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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