Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
