Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
