I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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