u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
