I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
