They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
