Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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