i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
