I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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