I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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