Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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