I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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