my mouth tastes like poor choices
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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