If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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