Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
