Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
