you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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