I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
