Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
