Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
