At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
