hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
