We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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