Im at strip club and am horny
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
