dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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