Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
