i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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