I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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