Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
